2008 in a Slideshow...

i'll be home for christmas...

finals can't end soon enough. my last final is tomorrow at 8am. yes, that would be a saturday. i am quite sad at that fact. i am very disinterested in school at this point and would rather be doing anything else. this is why i have chosen to take a study break to blog. i am going home tomorrow after my final. well actually, after i take my final, come home, shower, pack, and clean my house. but i will make it home sometime tomorrow! :) because i am so sick of school and finals, i thought that i would blog about 5 things that i want to do over christmas break.

so here goes:

1. go to christmas at the zoo...i have never been to this and really want to go. i think it would be a lot of fun.
2. finish one of my songs and record it...i have serious problems actually finishing one of the songs i am writing and have almost no music recorded because all i do is pick myself apart and then delete anything i try to record. it would be nice to actually start finishing and recording my stuff. who knows, maybe i could put together some sort of cd. that would be cool.
3. plan out my future...with all my recent doubts about the major i am in and thinking about my true passions in life, i really need to sit down and do some research and figure out what direction i want to head in. i only have a year and a half left of my undergrad!! oh man!!
4. get myself on a better sleep schedule...college ruins me. it ruins me more than it ruins anyone i know. for absolutely no reason at all, i don't go to bed until like 4am many nights and i will either sleep in until like 2 or 3pm or get up, go to class, then take a 6 hour nap after classes, only to not go to bed until 4am again. this is probably not healthy. just a guess. haha.
5. revamp my itunes...i need to clear out a bunch of stuff and put a bunch of new stuff on there. for as much as i listen to music, i am waaay behind on updating my itunes and scouting for new talents to get into. my favorite thing ever is finding those amazing unsigned artists on the internet who nobody knows because they only play in coffee houses in iowa or something. that's always the best.

so there are 5 things that i want to do over break. and i am really excited. haha. i hope everyone has a wonderful christmas and a great new year!

oh life, how you stress me out

i was sitting in class the other day. my professor was lecturing about stuff i would need to know for my career in the future. i found myself extremely disinterested all of a sudden and had a panic attack sitting there in my seat. all i could think about was the fact that i am in school for a reason and i have an intended career picked out. but what if i picked the wrong thing? i know that i can always go back to school later or change my mind and do something else, but that takes a lot of time and money. i came home from class extremely discouraged that day. i am almost halfway done with my junior year and i am scared to death of life. it's just me overthinking things, i know this. sometimes i wonder though, if i will ever figure things out. i secretly envy those people who have a master plan for everything. i have a hard enough time deciding what to eat for lunch, much less what to dedicate my life to. i have always been a worrier and gotten worked up over things that have eventually worked themselves out, perhaps this is one of those times. life tends to be unexpected at times, maybe something unexpected will happen to me. until then, i will continue to wonder what lies ahead.

It's Been Awhile

remember when i said i would blog more once i got to school? WRONG!! apparently i have less free time than i originally thought i would have. or i am just using my free time for other endeavors, such as watching tv and sleeping. good use. anyways, i am going to try and figure out how to put pics up on here sometime soon bc that would be more fun. a lot has happened in the past few weeks. i am getting used to my classes and our house is fixing up nicely. we have great neighbors again this year. and it's really weird that i can go to the bars now. all in all, i love being back at purdue for another year. it's gonna be a good one. well, i will try and blog more frequently and less boring like this one from now on. things are finally calming down. good! :)

why?

why? sometimes i ask myself this question. a lot of times i ask myself this question, actually. it seems that i make decisions in my life that make sense. they make sense, that is, until i think about them. this blog is about a particular decision i made that led me to ask myself "why?".
it was the beginning of summer break. i had just driven the hour and a half drive home in the most perfect weather there has ever been. i had my radio blaring the whole way. jesse mccartney was singing me his hit song "leavin" as i wished he was sitting beside me in the passenger seat. note: jesse mccartney is 21 years old, as am i. perfect. anyhow, i am home. i unload my things and cart them up to my room. this takes me about 30 minutes, as the only people to offer a helping hand include absolutely no one. thank you. i position my boxes and suitcases around my room in a neat fashion. to me, it would make the most sense to leave all of my stuff packed up so that i wouldn't have to pack it all up again to move back at the end of the summer. brilliant. insert question: WHY?!?! did i run into a wall before i made that decision? this is what that decision actually did for me. i wore my clothes out of my suitcases. then i would wash and fold them and just sit them on a surface of my room only to wear then wash them all over again before they got put away. they never got put away. i got things out of every box in my room to use and just set them down anywhere when i was done. result: a tornado went through my room and i can't tell at the moment whether or not i have carpet. now, as i sit here just days away from the end of my summer break and about ready to move in, i look around my room and wonder where to begin packing up. i wish so desperately i could slap the girl who decided it would be best to be lazy and not unpack but live out of boxes and suitcases all summer. i suppose that one day i will begin to think and use common sense. until then, i suppose i will continue to make life more difficult than it needs to be. hah.

"i might've just stolen this scene from a song"...

"These are the Nights" by Making April. if you've never heard it, you should check it out. it's a great song. in a sense, it really helps explain how i am feeling. today i had a wonderful talk with a great friend. and while walking and talking, we passed many people that were in a state of bliss with each other. and while deep in conversation, it really got me thinking about life. now this is the sappiest post yet, just hear me out. have you ever had a moment that you want to just pause and stay in for awhile? just something so perfect that you cringe at ever having to be without it? it could really be anything. just a moment. and then it's over. it may not be over forever, but you know that you will never have that moment back. it's frozen in time. and our time together here is short. what i am trying to convey is this. while i was walking, thinking, and talking, i felt like i may take advantage of these moments all the time. i think a lot of us do. and as morbid and debbie downer as it sounds, we aren't here forever. and the person or thing we love the most or share these "moments" with may be gone before we are ready to let them be gone. i sometimes stop and think about this in the most random places. like the middle of a party. i watch people laugh together or sneak a quick kiss and think how unfortunate it is that we forget how important it is to appreciate things like this. so before i get way too involved in this rant, let me just say this. pause for a second and think about your life. think of these "moments". drop your grudges and hate and pessimism. it's not really worth it in the longrun. just don't let your moments go. they define us and make our life. oh yea, and one more thing, smile because you can.

i never could throw a curveball...

so, unlike what i said at the end of the last post, i will not be throwing you a curveball this time. this will be a pretty predictable post. it's back to school time. this time next week, i will be all moved in to school for my third year of college. i can't even wait that long. i am so excited. although i will miss working at gpl (that's for you lori anne), my place of work for the past two summers, being back at school will be great. i do much better on my own. i like being able to get up and go whenever i want. i like staying up late because i am a night owl. i love living with my friends. and i just like living in a college town. i love it. another great thing about moving to school is my computer addiction worsens. so i will be blogging more. and with being at college, i am sure there will be MANY great stories and thoughts to fill you in on. you will love it. haha. alright, i am out for now. later.

The beginning of being 21...

I had a pretty chill birthday this year, despite it being a big one. I am perfectly alright with no hangovers!! :) No interesting stories from that besides the liquor store paparazzi, that is my mother, sister, and three underage friends. Yes, through the windows they took pictures. My face was more red than a red crayon. Because of the spectacle they were making, I got flustered and nervous. It was like, "I like beer...and I kind of want coronas... but the person working is yelling at me to get a single shot of something??...they sell those i guess...i thought those were just in hotel rooms and on airplanes...wow...maybe i...wait...mom will be sad if i get hard liquor...and i may even get a lecture on how dangerous...wait...do they have everclear?...she would looove that...oh man...they are all staring at me...and those men over there are too...and they are old...whatever...i like the color of those drinks...lets just get that so i can get out of here!! ahh!!" Needless to say, I went back without my mom the next time. haha. Anyways, I went to dinner with my grandparents on my mom's side last night. The restaurant was ridiculously nice. All I could think about were the etiquette classes from grade school. I tried really hard to be polite like I ate at places like that all of the time. I am sure it was obvious I didn't, especially when I started crying at dinner. So here's what happened. I got a card from each grandparent. Grandpa's contained money. Awesome!! haha. Grandma's contained a message. I knew that it would start a waterfall because I am extremely emotional anyways. I asked if I could bypass the message. No. So, I skimmed it. Now you should know that she brings up dying all the time. And it makes me really sad and I prefer not to think about it. You should also know that she posesses a ring that she got to wear in place of her wedding/engagement ring a few years back for an anniversary. This ring, I might add, is gorgeous!! I have told her this. So after reading this card, I got a box, a ring box. It was the ring. She told me that she was going to will it to me, but wanted to see me have it while she was alive, so that was my birthday present from her. So I started crying, all down my face and everything. And I couldn't stop. In the middle of this super nice restaurant. At that point I almost didn't care though. Talk about a nice birthday present!! I am going to dinner with my other grandparents tonight. We'll probably throw back a couple beers, gotta love the german catholics. :) That's all I've got for you right now. I'll throw you a curveball next time. The last thing in the world I would want is to be predictable and just write about events in my life. Booorrriiinnnggg!!

"you always love the colors and the details so here's mine..."

the title of this blog comes from a song by amber rubarth called "you will love this song". one thing you should know about me is my love for music. i LOVE music. i appreciate music. my days begin with music and end with music. if music were a man, i would be all over him. haha. so you get my point. i am super serious about music. that being said, you are going to get a lot of lyrics throughout this blog. i may even post some of my own stuff if you are lucky. yes, i do write lyrics. all the time, actually. it's nearly impossible for me to actually finish a song though. maybe that comes from my CDADD. it is a disease that i seem to have. i tend to have trouble listening to whole songs. CD-ADD, get it? haha. well anyway, maybe one day i will finish all of my songs. i really want to learn to play the piano or the guitar someday so i can actually be able to sing all of my songs. you see, if you didn't know already, i sing. i sing a lot. you should hear me in my car when i am cruisin solo. people driving around me probably want to know why i am getting so into it. haha. it's a passion i have. so i write these lyrics and then find some instrumentals that someone has written, say a friend who plays guitar, and i just listen to those instrumentals a few times over and over while i formulate the vocals in my head. then i just sing. it's kind of fun. finishing a song is one of the greatest feelings in the world, second to sharing that song with people. one thing i love about music is how personal it can be. i feel like i could tell someone i love them by speaking to them, but if i write them a song about it (provided its lyrically genius) and sing it to them, well, we are in a whole different ballpark. a much nicer, bigger, and more expensive ballpark. but maybe thats just my weakness for music talking. it speaks to me. haha. well those are my details for now. i move back to college in a week, so i am sure that i will be writing much more frequently once i get up there. until next time, hearts and love.

Me

How conceited does this blog title sound? Well I am not conceited, far from it, actually. But I prefer not to make this blog a sob story about all of my insecurities and complaints in life. I really have nothing to complain about, although I may at times. I am starting this blog to let you in on what goes on in my mind and in my life. I am kind of weird, but I suppose we all think that about ourselves from time to time. Anyways, I promise to not be boring, so enjoy reading my mind!! :)